Transitions

Making big decisions is never easy.

...But a moment comes, and in that moment, you know.

Before that moment, you were likely thinking about this decision, but you weren't ready...you weren't able...you were afraid of change...

My moment came on December 15, 2021.

I knew that it was time to retire from teaching public school in May 2022 on that very day.  

I remember the moment vividly.

I am a planner, and retiring in May 2022 wasn't my original intent.  

So, I sat on it for five days.  I didn't even tell my husband what I was thinking.   I wanted to make sure that within myself, I was 100% confident that this was my moment to make the transition out of teaching public education full-time and to free space in my life for whatever is next.

It was scary.  Teaching public school has been a huge part of my personal identity since 1989.

But I knew in my gut.

So, five days later, I had the conversation with my incredibly supportive husband of 27 years.  I played a game of 10 questions before I told him what I was feeling, and I only got to question 4 before he said, "You are retiring in May 2022".  

He knows me.

What I hoped was that, once I made the decision, I would be able to truly savor my final months of teaching at Henderson Middle School rather than approach those winter months with dread.  

I wanted to leave with joy.  

I didn't want to leave as a bitter old teacher who once had a heyday that had long since passed.  

I reconfigured lots of the planning for those final months once I made the decision.

What did I want from these final experiences?  How can I leave this school, my colleagues, these children and this community with the most joy possible one last time?

It was especially important after what every choral music educator has experienced since March 2020.  

I decided not to do our annual Georgia Music Educator's annual adjudication.  That was a very hard decision because I have shared S-Cubed Sight Singing Program through those experiences for many years.  

I asked myself...what do you love teaching your students?  

I knew that what makes me happiest is teaching musical theater and helping my students learn through that experience.  I've done it for many years.  

We don't have a theater.  We do it in a gym...and still... the experience changes their lives.  

So, starting in January, that was my sole focus.   And here is the outcome.

The joy that I felt watching this experience wash over these students, the community and the parents who had never experienced a show like this at Henderson was one of the most gratifying experiences of my life.  

In many ways, it felt like I was a first year teacher and a last year teacher from January 2022 until May 2022.

Retiring from teaching public school was not an easy decision.  

But it was the right decision.  

I have opened up my life to what is next.  I have no idea what that is, but I trust the universe to fill the space with things that make my heart sing. 

We all deserve to have our hearts sing.  

We all need to wake up each morning with the excitement of discovery.  

When we do that, we are using our talents and our spirits and our hearts in the way we should.

We had a joint rehearsal in mid-March for our spring musical revue.  This is the day I told them I was retiring.  I told them after the rehearsal.  In this photo, they didn't know.  

After the rehearsal, I shared the news.  It was surreal.  Students wanted selfies.  I'm like..."I'm not leaving tomorrow!"  ...But they live in the moment.  This selfie is with one of the students who impacted me the most in my final year.   He is a trans student who struggled with anxiety and depression in ways I'd never experienced during my 30 years teaching.   I think that this child's daily experience in chorus class may have saved him this year.  My eyes are red from the emotions I was experiencing.

This photo below was taken about 30 minutes after I announced my retirement to the students.   My sixth graders were processing the news, and they wanted to write on the board.  One of them said to me through tears that day...  "What are you going to do when you retire?  Sit in your house and get OLD?  Why don't you sit in here with us and get old?"  

I loved that moment so much.  It made me cry and laugh at the same time.  The incredibly clear way that this age group sees the world is and has always been one of the big reasons that I kept coming back year after year.  

And I wanted to answer her question with..."I'm already old honey!"  

I wanted my students to learn about my retirement from me.  I didn't want them to hear it from someone else.  

I followed my professional instincts about notifications.  I told my principal first back in January, and then I slowly shared the news only when necessary.   I had originally wanted to wait until mid-April to tell the students, but it became clear that if I did do that, the news would leak.  I wanted them to learn about this news from me because the relationship they have with me is so deeply personal and sacred in many ways.  We see each other 5 days a week...They deserved to hear it from me.

I wanted to do what I had always tried to do...to respect them...to respect their feelings...

And boy...did they return that over the final two months of school.

These are scenes from our final preparations for our show.  These rehearsals happened at 7:30 in the morning before school and on Saturdays as we've done for years.

We opened the show with "It's Time to Dance" from The Prom.  

One of the most magical rehearsal moments..."Superboy and the Invisible Girl" from Next to Normal.  

Here is the link.

The next link is from a Saturday rehearsal.  They were on break, and Rosario, one of my 8th grade Assistant Director's for the show decided everyone should do a "Just Dance" video.  

Perfect.  

Here is the link.

The joy in the video above is how I wanted to walk out the door.  

I am not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I know that ending this chapter at this moment was exactly what I should do.  I wanted it to end joyfully, and it did.  I will hold these memories so close to my heart.

And now, I can create new memories in new ways that I never could have imagined.  

I've opened up my world to what is next, and I am excited about it.  

I want to continue to meet teachers online on Facebook and Instagram "live" events.  I want to meet teachers in person who have supported my online work for the last decade, and lead Honor's Chorus events and Allstate events.  I want to go to events and be a clinician working with your students.  I want to be involved in conversations about the future of choral music for this age group.  I want to continue to impact the education of teachers who teach middle school chorus in ways that are useful and helpful to the teachers who are in the trenches day in and day out.  

I am not finished with my contributions. 

I will meet some of you in Oklahoma and Missouri in July when I headline your summer events.  I will meet teachers in Iowa and Nebraska in November.  In August, I will teach workshops for the Atlanta Public Schools.   I will judge events in Alabama and Louisiana in early 2023.  

I am transitioning to a new chapter...and I can't wait!