Tips for a Successful Middle School Parent-Teacher Conference

It's November, and the rubber has met the road in terms of classroom management.

You've gone through the rules.

You've implemented and reinforced them in real time.

...But you find yourself with some children who are chronically disruptive and/or not meeting expectations.  You've gone through your consequences.  The daily grades of the disruptive children are low.  

What we allow continues.

So, it is time to have a conference with the parent and the child.

Here are the tips that have worked for me:

Step One:

Email the parent to request the conference and give them three possible options for conference times.  Make sure to ask that both the parent and the child attend the conference.  In addition, I ask the parent to make sure the child brings their chorus folder.

Step Two:

Before the conference-

a)  Gather an example of a perfect chorus folder from another student in the class

b)  Print out the digital grade book and the comments you've written in the grade book over the recent weeks/months to show the patterns of behavior you've recognized and documented

c)  Find and use as much "hard data" as possible to show the parent.  In my class, we use Music Prodigy.  It's a sight singing assessment program.  I also use Google Classroom and Remind.  I have tabs open on my Smartboard so I can easily pull up the information to show on the board during the conference.  In my experience, the children who are chronically disruptive don't take care of details like Music Prodigy homework, keeping a good folder or doing their Google Classroom assignments.  These "hard data" points are difficult for almost any parent to deny.  Whatever your "hard data" consists of, have it ready to show.

Step Three:

The conference-

Phase one- Listening

Start with this knowledge...The child has already talked to his parents about your class.    This child is not used to be held accountable and has likely learned to manipulate his/her parent.

It's time to wake everyone up, and you're the one to do it.

Set up the chairs in a circular fashion.

Introduce yourself with a smile and say hello to your student...who is very nervous.

Then, ask the child to wait outside your door for a few moments.

Start the conference by asking the parent how the child is doing. 

That simple.

And then listen.

Some parents are so taken about by this moment that they will say "What do you mean?  In school?  At home?"

Your answer is always "Please share anything you're comfortable sharing about what you've been experiencing with your child at home and at school."

And then listen.  Ask follow up questions.   Let the parent share, and you should try not to drive the conversation for a few moments.  

Show that you care.  Be willing to learn about this young child who sits in your classroom daily.  Drop your pre-conceived notions.  It's our job to help them and to help their parents help them.  Even if you are in the first month of your first year of teaching, you've likely encountered and worked with more middle school children than the parent who is sitting in front of you.

Parents and children often expect to be lectured when they come to a conference, and you are doing the opposite.  

Therein lies your power to help to get this child onto the right path with the parents support.

Phase two- Begin to share the data

Start with concrete data.  For me, it's the folder, Music Prodigy and Google Classroom.  Then, begin sharing the information about their behavior.  It can be difficult to quantify sometimes, but if you've kept good notes all along as I do in my digital grade book, you'll be set up for success.  

Be non-judgmental.  

For example:  

Undesirable communication:  "Your child has an attitude problem."

Desirable communication:  "When I called on your child to answer the question, she rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.   I perceived that the energy your child delivered during that moment was aimed at me"

Be accurate and unemotional in your descriptions of behaviors.  If you've always been respectful of the child, as we must always be as the adult leading the classroom, you have nothing to fear in terms of reactions to what you are presenting about this young human who needs your help.  

Make sure you state clearly to the parent that your objective is to help their child succeed.

Phase three:  Bring in the child, ask questions and listen

Ask specific questions about specific incidences that occurred in your class and let the child explain it in front of their parent.  The version is likely to be different than the one they described to their parents before they came to the conference.   The parent will now be clear that the child has been dishonest.  You are continuing to build trust with the parent so that the two of you can work together to help your student get on the right track.

Phase four:  Cover the upcoming consequences/rewards

People change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

When I go into a conference, I am very clear about what I'm going to do if/when the behaviors continue, and I close the conference by stating them.

*I am going to penalize your daily participation grade more severely

*I am going to write up a referral to administrators when you ........ again.

Whatever they are, you state them in front of the parent.  

Find something that really means something to the child that will be taken away.  For me, it's being a member of the chorus.  When I threaten to move them out of the chorus, they are usually devastated and fix their behaviors.  

Remember the importance of rewards.  We get more bees with honey than with vinegar.  

• Make sure to share what will happen when you see evidence that the child is working to fix the issues with work ethic or their disruptive behavior patterns.  

This is a child who is before you.  They need fast acknowledgement of the turn around in their behavior.  

I almost always see results on the first day after a conference, and I immediately email the parent to let them know that the child improved.  

You may wish to come up with a daily signature log that the parent signs in order to report their work each day.  Parents will sign the document daily.  When they do well, they'll get immediate positive feedback from you.  

This will build your relationship with this challenging child in all the right ways.  When the child brings the document to you for daily signing, you get one-on-one time with him/her that will be critical to the building of your relationship with the child.  

I hope these ideas help you in your classroom!

I am hosting a giveaway of the S-Cubed Sight Singing Program for Beginners.  I'll email the winner on Thanksgiving Day and everyone who entered to share some awesome discounts for people who've been taking a look at this program that is designed to help middle school chorus teachers teach music literacy to their beginners.