Today is Mother's Day.
That's my Mom in all of her glorious essence.
She left the earth 15 years ago on May 12, 2006. She passed away on the Friday before Mother's Day that year.
When people ask a question like..."If you could have dinner with anyone in the world tonight, who would it be?"
My answer is easy...Mom.
As an old gay man who didn't have children of my own, I can't imagine what it must be like to carry a human being inside of your body for nine months, deliver the human being and then tend to every need of that human while the person is completely dependent upon you in every possible way.
She was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer just before my birthday in March of 2006. She decided that she would not fight the disease with chemotherapy. Without treatment, they told her she had six to eight weeks to live.
We were in the middle of our annual musical production in addition to our annual Choral Performance State Evaluations. She lived in Durham, NC, and I was in Atlanta, GA. I drove the 6 hour drive back and forth several times during those hectic and emotional weeks. Our musical production was saved by a parent with a strong musical theater background as I tried to balance being a teacher and a son to a dying parent.
In retrospect, I should have canceled the show, but hindsight is always 20/20.
In 2005, I won Teacher of the Year, and she was very proud of me and my work. She was my biggest cheerleader. She married my father at age 18 and six days later, during her senior year of high school, he was in a hunting accident and lost his leg. She didn't graduate high school, and she regretted that deeply.
Seeing her children, all three of us, become happy, successful, and productive members of society was her greatest joy.
I miss her so much.
What on earth does this have to do with rebuilding our choirs after this pandemic?!
Yesterday, we finished our Musical Revue Film Documentary, "Brand New Day".
Every year, when we finish the annual spring musical revue, (which really is, I believe, the biggest reason my program has remained consistently large over the years) I say..."The baby is birthed."
The grammar is bad, and there really is no comparison to real childbirth, but it makes everyone giggle...
So, yesterday, the baby was birthed.
And this year was like no other...for all of us.
I had no idea what I was doing because we didn't know if and when we would ever get back to "in person" teaching, and we definitely weren't going to be able to sing in groups without masks.
There was no road map for how to teach chorus during a pandemic caused by an airborne virus.
We have all lived it, so I don't really need to explain.
Everyday, I just got up and took in the new information and made decisions based on the information of the day.
I decided to focus on what I knew was certain as I made my decisions daily.
Here is what I knew for certain as my heart guided me-
*I was 100% committed to creating an opportunity for the students who wanted it.
*In August of 2020, I asked the two people who've staged and choreographed my shows with me for the past several years if they were on board for doing something with me. The two of them were on board whether it was going to be "live" or on film.
So, we started the journey...9 months ago...just like we always do.
With so much loss, sadness and darkness all around us, I knew that I needed to try my best to create "light".
I have always chosen the light, and I will always choose the light.
I started teaching in public school in 1989. I grew up gay in small southern town in the 1960's and 1970's.
This isn't my first rodeo...not my first time dealing with darkness.
So, this project...this "baby"...is possibly the most important piece of my work with middle school students.
I felt like a first year teacher the entire year.
I think we all did.
Our school district was virtual until March 2021. Rehearsals for this production always begin in January.
Normally, we rehearse before school at 7:30 AM in the gym.
Our school district wasn't allowing anyone...not even parents...into the building...even NOW...May 9, 2021...people who aren't employees of the county can't come into the building.
That meant that the stage director and choreographer weren't going to be rehearsing the students inside the school.
I had to create all sorts of waivers and forms for everyone to sign.
We did Zoom rehearsals...then, we moved to outdoor rehearsals...
Normally, I have 120 students audition to be in the show.
This year, back in September, I had 40 who auditioned.
Would they show up?
Would they stay with it so that we could keep the momentum going and finish this project?
...At a time when they'd experienced nothing but loss and disappointment over and over at age 11-14, how could they actually believe that we were going to make this happen?
I had to figure it out.
I suppose I could have done a Virtual Choir experience of some sort. I'm so impressed with everyone who did those. The amount of time and commitment to your students is amazing.
But, for me, virtual choir wasn't the answer.
Choir is a "live" group experience and it has been for hundreds of years, and I believed with all my heart even back in August of 2020 when school started that we could pull something off that had some level of the "live" group rehearsal experience for the most committed student leaders and begin the return to what choir is supposed to be.
The stars aligned.
In late January, it became clear to me that there would be no "live" performance by May 2021, and I decided it would be a film documentary. I wanted to give the students and the community something they could watch 10, 15, or 20 years from now and share with their children. I wanted performances mixed with realness of what we were all experiencing together.
The weather cooperated for every single outdoor rehearsal and filming.
Thank you to the universe...seriously.
I wanted to involve the entire chorus because normally, they are always involved even if they don't audition because they sing as the "background" singers supporting my students who are trying to dance/move and sing at the same time for the first time in the lives. So, I created chorus assignments about the pandemic, and I let them express themselves.
Using FlipGrid, Kahoot, EdPuzzle, Screencastify...none of which I had ever used before 2020...I assigned things to the chorus like...
"Without speaking, find a way to express how the pandemic has made you feel?"
"Without speaking, find a way to express what you are most looking forward to once the pandemic is over?"
Their creations were powerful, magical, amazing, real and funny.
Sure...some didn't do the assignments...Some didn't show up to our virtual classes...
I don't teach in a Utopia. I have the realness just like every teacher.
But, I didn't focus on that.
To myself and the people closest to me, I always said, "This year...everyone gets a Covid pass for all of the balls they drop."
This applies to my students, my family, and my friends...everyone.
And then I proceeded to focus on the students who showed up, and I made sure to work hard for them so that we could create this magic that we have created for everyone...even if they checked out this year.
This morning, on Mother's Day, right after my brother sent me the photo of our mother standing in front of our home after the divorce, I watched the final draft one last time.
I knew everything that was coming.
I created it.
----
I cried.
I laughed.
I began to heal and to look forward to all the art that is going to come out of this darkness.
Last night, I had a gathering with my musical staff, and they asked me how and when I was going to release it.
Of course I'd thought about it, but I hadn't decided because, like this entire past 15 months or so, I have realized that I just have to wake up and go with it.
So, this morning, on Mother's Day, I decided.
I am going to release it on my YouTube Channel Monday, May 10, 2021 at 7 PM EST in a premiere.
This is for the students I teach...for the community I teach in...for the teachers I teach with each and every day.
And this is for the people who need it as they figure out the next obstacles we inevitably all will encounter in the days and years ahead.
There is always a solution.
Just follow your heart.
Regarding Rebuilding my choir...
We have three weeks of school left, and I wanted to get this video out and into the community so that it could "soak".
I wanted to help the community heal.
I wanted these students who have put their trust in me to get to feel the pride and the reward that comes from finishing something...even when the obstacles seem insurmountable.
I wanted the kids to know that things actually do really happen...At their age, with this combined worldwide experience, it would be easy for them NOT to believe that.
And not only did I want to help them believe that good things really do happen and that they can be a part of something good, I wanted to help them FEEL again.
Thank you for all of your support over the last 8 years.
Let's stay positive and keep looking for the light.
If you missed this series, and you want to go back to the first installment, click here.
If you want to see the full performance, click here.
